Flipside
by Clandestine.Ardour
Summary: Harry loses something precious. The flip-side? Draco Malfoy is no longer an enemy. What do you do when someone you thought was your bitter enemy, turns out to be something completely different? Please Review :D CHAPTER 4 IS UP!
1. 01 Sacrifice

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to JK. I do not own him. Or any of his sexy friends, namely Draco Malfoy. Although I wish i did.

**Warnings: ** SLASH (eventual)

Spoilers. Don't know how many so i'll just play safe and say spoilers for all the books.

**Author's Note: **This is my first ever published FanFic. Please be gentle with me. I bruise easily. Give reveiws? and Constructive critisism, as i may need a little push now and then. Hope you enjoy :)

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**Sacri****f****ice**

_How can I decide what's right _

_When you're clouding up my mind?_

_ I can't win your losing fight All the time_

* * *

**.:Harry:.**

_I'm going to die._

The thought flashed through Harry's mind with the same lightning speed as the Cruciatis curse that flared throughout his body, burning him, charring his skin with invisible flames_._

_I'm going to die now, I'm going to die!_

He almost wished for it now, as his back arched up off the grass and his teeth ground together in sheer agony. He felt as though flames were ripping through his flesh, burning him from the inside out. Yet, still there was more pain, and no death had come yet. Pain, after endless wave of pain, flooded his mind and tainted his vision with a blood red film. He squeezed his eyes shut and his hands clawed into the earth underneath him.

_WHY AREN'T I DEAD YET!?_

Harry's mind screamed at him. An agonised scream left his mouth as his head nearly exploded with the pain.

"That's right," hissed a sour voice, dripping with sinister pleasure at his agony, "Scream for me Potter."

The pain, if possible, intensified, and Harry screamed out again. He opened his rolling eyes to the horrific sight of Voldemort standing above him, his face twisted in an evil grin as he looked down at Harry, writhing in pain below him.

Suddenly, the pain stopped. Harry's back hit the ground hard and he drew in a haggard breath. He was shaking from head to toe and the sweat trickled down his neck.

"There's no need for all this pain Potter, you brought it upon yourself." Voldemort said, his wand still turned on Harry. "Look around you Harry Potter, to where your friends and teachers and fellow students stand across from us, beaten back by my Death Eaters!" He smiled his twisted grin again. "You have lost Harry Potter," the victorious sneer was evident in his gloating voice. "And until you beg me for death, all you will know is pain."

Harry tried to speak, tried to tell him that he could go to hell. A niggling, weakening part of his brain surfaced he actually considered asking for death, as an alternative to this endless pain. He couldn't bear it much longer. After all, the war was lost, Voldemort had won. Was living in his reign of terror any better than dying at his hand?

He strained his neck to look at the crowd of terrified faces that stared at him, tears flowing freely from nearly every pair of eyes. His gaze found Ron - with a deep gash across his face - and Hermione, lying barely conscious in his arms. If he had been stronger, would he have been able to protect them?

With a shock, he saw Professor McGonagall's tear streaked face staring at him from her immobilised form, in the binds of a Death Eater's curse. The Death Eaters were standing in front of everyone, but they too were facing Harry and Voldemort. Many had removed their masks. The closest Death Eater was Lucius Malfoy, and he watched them with an eager hunger in his eyes, hunger for Harry's death. On his right stood Bellatrix, the murderer of Harry's godfather. A weak memory of burning anger flashed through Harry.

On Lucius Malfoy's left stood Draco Malfoy, his face paler than he had ever remembered seeing it, his eyes wide as he watched. He heard loud sobs and turned his head in their direction. Ginny Weasley was crying, her twin brothers hugging her close. Guilt flooded Harry. She shouldn't cry for him. Nobody should, He was causing so much pain, he was letting Voldemort take their lives. While no-one had died yet, Voldemort would own their lives once he killed Harry.

"You have managed to thwart me every time, until now Potter." came Voldemort's soft, deadly voice. "Although that was due to my faults rather than your strengths... still, you have proved yourself enough of an opponent to warrant mercy." Harry turned his head back around to face Voldemort. His eyes glinted with a ruby tint.

"You have caused these people pain." he gestured around him as Harry felt like someone had punched him in the gut.

"And so I have given _you_ pain. But…I will kill you now, swiftly…if you beg for mercy." he sneered. More sobs broke out from the crowd.

Harry blinked, trying to clear his vision.

Would people think him so terrible? For wanting to end his own pain? He could do nothing for them now, so why couldn't he ease his own suffering?

Should he beg for death from Voldemort?

He heart soft footsteps, Voldemort coming closer. His wand tip pressed roughly under Harry's chin, lifting his face.

"Beg for death Harry Potter, because no-one is coming to save you." The voice was silky, deadly. Victorious.

More sobs around him.

Harry tried to find his voice. He coughed and spluttered, but still, he could not speak.

What was he trying to say anyway?

Kill me?

After all, there were worse things than death...Harry knew that.

"Perhaps this will speed your thought process." Voldemort hissed. "_Crucio_!"

Harry screamed aloud again as the pain hit him like a flaming boulder and scorched through his veins.

He couldn't bear it. He couldn't stand the pain. He was falling into blackness where there was nothing but agony. There was no longer a defeated army of spectators watching him. There was no longer any nobility or pride or hope. Similarly there was no longer any despair. There was only pain. His mind and body rejected it.

"NO!" He screamed.

As he screamed his defiance he felt the pain lessen. His mind, body and soul screamed out and in his screams the agony subsided and he learned that he could feel sorrow, that he could feel despair. As these emotions washed through him he knew without knowing how, that his mind had overpowered the curse, like he had the Imperious. In feeling no pain, he had an advantage. He was aware that he could hope, that he could love, and that he would never beg for mercy from Voldemort.

He rolled over on the ground, this knowledge a glowing talisman inside him. His eyes squeezed shut in a grimace of pain, though he felt none. Hope, love, rage and determination pulsed through his blood, mixing with the adrenalin. His chest hit the earth and he could feel when he rolled over his wand on the ground, where it had fallen from his hand when he was first struck with the Cruciatis Curse.

In a flash of movement born from his Seeker abilities, he snatched his wand up in his right hand and jumped to his feet as the curse flew from his mouth before he had even thought it.

"_Expelliarmus_!" he roared.

Voldemort's wand flew from his grasp towards Harry in a low arc. Harry grabbed it and turned both wands on Voldemort, who's eyes were wide with shock.

There were shocked gasps from everyone, students, teachers and Death Eater's alike.

From the corner of his eye he saw Lucius Malfoy step forward with his wand raised, a murderous glint in his eyes. He had started speaking before Harry could even move an inch.

"_Avada-"_

"NO!" came a tortured shriek, as Draco Malfoy leapt forwards and tackled his father to the ground, wrenching his wand from his hands.

"_Stupefy_!" he yelled, stunning Lucius Malfoy where he lay. Bellatrix turned on him, her eyes burning with rage and disbelief.

Malfoy didn't think twice. "_Stupefy_!" he cried. Bellatrix slumped to the floor.

Harry felt like _he'd_ just been Stupefied.

Draco Malfoy had just saved his life.

"Traitorous filth!" Voldemort spat, his eyes on Malfoy, who didn't even flinch as he glared back.

"Kill him, Potter." Malfoy said harshly, without taking his gaze from Voldemort.

"Yaxley!" Voldemort called. Before Harry even had time to look around, a spell was uttered and Draco Malfoy howled in pain as gashes appeared in his robes with a ripping sound, and cut across his face. He crumpled to the floor.

Harry was left staring, shocked and stunned, at the limp body of his arch enemy, at the boy who had just saved his life.

_Kill him_, Malfoy had said.

_Kill him, Potter_

Harry turned to Voldemort, raising both wands, trying to ignore the shocked whispers and sobs that ran through the crowd. Yaxley threw his wand to Voldemort, who caught it.

_Beg for death Harry Potter, because no-one is coming to save you._

Hadn't Draco Malfoy done just that?

"Look at your Chosen One now!" Voldemort sneered, turning the borrowed wand on Harry. "Look how he lets others take the fall for him!"

Harry glared at him. Rage boiled in his blood.

"How many more will you let die in your place Potter?"

Harry gripped both wands tighter. Draco Malfoy was not dead, he couldn't be. He was a constant. Always there, always fighting with him, always getting under his skin. He couldn't be dead.

Harry looked to his broken, crumpled form on the grass. He felt a pang shoot through him. He'd sacrificed himself to save Harry, to give them a chance.

"Beg for a quick death Potter, before I change my mind and kill another of your little friends." Voldemort hissed malevolently. "Bow to me now, and I will give you a merciful death."

He couldn't let any one else hurt for him. He wouldn't let anyone else die for him.

_Kill him, Potter._

Harry knew then what his sacrifice must be for saving them all.

His soul.

He raised both wands. His eyes were burning with hatred and his gaze was locked on Voldemort.

"No-one else will die for me." He said, his voice firm, steady, and strong.

_You have to mean it. _Bellatrix Lestrange had once said.

He meant it.

"And I will never bow to you." Harry said, and his voice rang loud and true.

Voldemort raised his wand and Harry did the same. They brought them down at the same time.

"_Avada Kedavra!" _They cried.

The green jet from Voldemort's wand in Harry's hand, met the green jet from the wand Voldemort had taken from Yaxley, and there was an explosion. The jet of green light that issued from Harry's own wand continued on, unhindered, until it hit the place where Voldemort's heart should be.

Voldemort' face was illuminated in the sickly green light and shock and surprise crossed his inhuman features, before he fell to the ground, and stayed there.

Harry felt it when a fissure cracked down his soul and a fragment detached itself. A tear ran down his cheek and a deep sense of loss filled his entire being, making him gasp for breath.

There was a moment of stunned silence, and then the shouts and curses erupted all around him. Every single Death Eater that was left standing, now fell to the ground, as mirrored cries of _"Stupefy!"_ from student and teacher alike, filled the night air.

Harry slumped to his knees as his tears flowed freely, sobs shaking him from head to toe.

He had won. They had won.

But what had they lost?

Harry's hand groped uselessly at his chest, trying to grab back his lost piece of soul.

He had killed…he had murdered and he had been punished and he knew he would never be the same again.

He looked over to where Malfoy lay on the ground, quite close by, surrounded by teachers. A fresh wave of sobs gripped him. His eyes squeezed shut as he cried for the boy he'd thought was his enemy, the boy who had died to save him.

"He's still breathing, but its very faint." came Madam Promfy's voice from the group of people that surrounded Malfoy's body.

His eyes flashed open, wide, staring, disbelieving.

Still alive?

A stretcher was conjured and Draco Malfoy was placed on it.

Harry was being lifted to his feet, cheers and congratulations all around him. People were patting him on the back, people were hugging him. His arms hung limp at his side.

Ron found him, supporting Hermione. They hugged him tight.

Harry sobbed freely. Hermione wiped his tears away and he clung to them.

"You saved us Harry. You saved us all." sobbed Hermione.

"I-I.."Harry cried, unable to find the words.

"Are you okay mate?" Ron said, his voice shaking as he pulled back from their three-way hug.

Harry tried to calm himself. "I-I…my, my soul." he gasped, blinking the tears away. "I _killed_…" Harry was vaguely aware that there was a large crowd around him, all trying to get to him, to congratulate him. Ron and Hermione kept them off him.

"And you saved us all." Hermione said, her voice firm. "And we're glad you killed him." her eyes burned with the intensity of her words. "But we are so sorry that _you_ had to, and we'll be there to help you through this Harry."

"Thankyou." Harry whispered, closing his eyes as sobs wracked him again.

"Right, we're getting you to the Hospital Wing." Ron said. "Look there's Madam Promfy with Malfoy, lets go see her."

Harry's eyes flashed open as a new sob took hold of him. "Malfoy!" he cried. He got to his feet, with the help of Ron and Hermione and stumbled over to Madam Promfy and the group of teachers.

"Well done Potter."

"You saved us, Harry!"

"You were amazing Potter!"

Harry ignored them all. "Malfoy." he said simply, his eyes falling on the boy's ravaged face. Dried blood covered most of his face and there were deep cuts on his arms were they protruded from his robes, which were slashed.

"He's alive. He's breathing. I've managed to stop the bleeding, we're taking him to the Hospital Wing," Madam Promfy explained. She turned to look at Harry for the first time and took in his agonised, tear-streaked face. "It looks like you'll need to go too." she said, stricken.

Harry allowed himself to be swept along to the Hospital Wing. He didn't speak to anyone, and no-one spoke to him, but Hermione and Ron were there, and that was enough.

He was taken to one of the beds and the curtains were pulled as he was left to change into the hospital pyjamas. He heard a commotion around the bed next to his. He changed, and pulled back the curtains. Malfoy was being lain in the next bed. Ron and Hermione were ushered out of the Hospital Wing after a few minutes. Malfoy's head lolled to the side as he was moved, before resting on the white pillow of the hospital bed. His white-blonde hair was saturated with blood. Harry sat on the edge of his bed, staring over as Madam Promfy bent over Malfoy, whispering spells as she traced the cuts on his face with her wand. The dried blood disappeared from his face and hair, as did the cuts on his face. Madam Promfy stood and turned, looking for some potion or another and found Harry watching her.

"Will he be ok?" Harry asked in a small voice that did not sound like his.

Madam Promfy looked at the blonde boy, then back at Harry. "I think so," she allowed. Harry exhaled in relief, wondering when he had held his breath in the first place. "The spell that was used doesn't seem to be of extreme Dark Magic, though it was extremely nasty. It seems to have been it's purpose to cause him pain rather than to kill him. After all, his father is a Death Eater," she shuddered at the word, "perhaps Yaxley acted out of respect for his father, choosing to incapacitate, rather than kill his son." she mused.

Harry just nodded. Her words sounded garbled and far away to him. His chest ached.

"I've done all I can for him just now, he needs to rest. I'll just finish up and then see to you Mr Potter."

Harry nodded again and she drew the curtains around Malfoy's bed. After a minute or so, she emerged from the curtains and came to see Harry.

"That was an extremely brave thing you did Harry." she said softly. Harry shrugged.

"I feel lost." he admitted, and a wave of grief passed over him. He shivered.

Madam Promfy suddenly embraced him. "You will feel like that for a little while," she said softly. "You've lost something dear, and all of us wish it didn't have to be that way." she let him go. "The Headmaster would like to speak with you, if you feel well enough?" she said. Harry nodded and she left to get Dumbledore.

Harry had never felt like this in all his life. He felt empty. He knew he'd only lost a fragment of his soul, but he couldn't feel the rest of it. He grieved for it.

Dumbledore entered and walked over to him, sitting beside him. Harry was barely listening as Dumbledore called him brave, and told him how proud he was and that he had saved the wizarding world. Harry just nodded, feeling hollow. Dumbledore stood up in front of him.

"Harry, I know it's hard, I know you must be feeling lost and hurt right now, do not disregard that. It shows that you are _human,_ it shows that you are _alive._" Dumbledore said, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"It's natural that you should grieve, for you have lost something precious. Never forget that part which you have lost Harry, but think of what you have gained in return." His blue eyes twinkled behind his half-moon glasses.

"What I've gained?" Harry repeated, sounding as hollow as he felt.

"You have saved us all Harry. You have paid a terrible price to do so, but nevertheless, knowing what you would loose, you did what no-one else could do and you have given everyone, Wizard, Muggle and Magical Creature alike, freedom." He smiled warmly at him.

Harry felt slightly better, knowing that he had helped to end the threat Voldemort posed to the world, but it did not ease his pain.

"You will come to terms with this Harry, there is no rush for you to do so. And your friends, teachers, followers and more," he turned to look at the bed where Draco Malfoy lay, "will be there to help you along the way."

Harry inhaled a shaky breath, feeling better. He could still feel the empty space left where his soul was fractured, but he knew he would not have to bear it alone.

"Thank you Sir." he whispered.

"No, thank _you_ Harry." Dumbledore smiled. Harry smiled back weakly, then his gaze travelled over to Malfoy's curtained bed.

"Malfoy saved me." Harry said, and the awe he felt was evident in his voice.

"I know" Dumbledore said, showing just as much wonder. "You were able to reach out to your enemies and give them the strength to chose their own path."

Harry shook his head. "I don't think I can take credit for what Malfoy did, Sir." He frowned. "I wonder why he did it?"

"Maybe you should ask him when he wakes." Dumbledore suggested. "After all, you can hardly be bitter enemies after that." he chuckled softly.

"Yeah…I will," Harry tried to smile, but ended up with a weak grimace on his face. "Thanks sir."

Dumbledore nodded. "Oh!" he cried, fishing in his robe pocket. "Madam Promfy told me to give you this." he handed a small vial to Harry. "It's a potion for dreamless sleep. It will help you rest, Merlin knows you'll need it."

"Thank you." Harry repeated. He drank the potion in one, then settled himself under the sheets, waiting for it to kick in.

"Once again Harry, you have shown bravery to match no other, you have sacrificed something none of us would even consider loosing to ensure our freedom and in doing so, you have united us all and gave us peace." Dumbledore said softly, before leaving the room.

Harry only heard half of that, then he was under

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A.N; Hope that was alright? First published fanfic so please be nice haha. All **constructive **critisism welcome, please review!

Oh and there will be eventual Slash, i'm building up to it ;) It's all you lot's job to make sure i dont get lost along the way ;]


	2. 02 Wake Up

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to JK. I do not own him. Or any of his sexy friends, namely Draco Malfoy. Although I wish i did.

**Warnings: ** SLASH (eventual)

Spoilers. Don't know how many so i'll just play safe and say spoilers for all the books.

**Author's Note: **This is my first ever published FanFic. Please be gentle with me. I bruise easily. Give reveiws? and Constructive critisism, as i may need a little push now and then. Hope you enjoy :)

* * *

**Wake Up**

_Not gonna ever own what's mine_

_ When you're always taking sides_

_ But you won't take away my pride_

_ No, not this time Not this time_

____________________________________________________________________________________

**.:Harry:.**

Harry awoke, and the orange glow of the late afternoon sun reached him behind his closed lids. He heard Madam Promfy bustling about the bed next to him, then she left.

_Malfoy._

His eyes flashed open and he sat up, getting a head rush in the process. It all came back to him then, swimming through his clouded mind. Malfoy's sacrifice, and then his own gut-wrenching sense of loss made itself known to him. His soul was grieving too. He tried to push it to the back of his mind before it overwhelmed him. The tears burned at the corners of his eyes and he fought them back, inhaling quick, sharp breaths.

Malfoy's curtains were still drawn around his bed. Harry got up and passed by his bedside table, and the mountain of sweets and cards and gifts that were piled there. He frowned at it, people must have came to see him while he was sleeping. He felt slightly warmed by that thought.

He crossed over to the curtains surrounding Malfoy's bed. He hesitated for a moment, then ducked through them. The sheets rose and fell weakly with Malfoy's steady breathing. He was still asleep. His left arm was bandaged up. His face, though now devoid of blood and cuts, was still pale. Though, Malfoy was always pale, wasn't he? Harry couldn't honestly say. How much had he missed? How much had he never known about the boy he thought was his enemy, about the boy who saved his life? Harry thought he'd had Malfoy all figured out. The arrogant, proud son of a Death Eater. An all-too willing follower of Voldemort. Was that all talk? Did he really believe in Voldemort's cause? When did that change? Did he change?

Why?

Harry's mind was flooded with questions as he gazed at the sleeping boy. There was a chair facing his bedside, Harry sat in it. He wanted Malfoy to wake up, so he could ask him all his questions, fill the void in his fractured soul with answers from the boy he didn't know at all. He was also afraid that when Malfoy woke up, he wouldn't know what to say to him.

He realised he owed Malfoy a debt, a wizards debt. He wasn't too sure how that made him feel. On the one hand, he was indebted to his rival, his arch enemy, the one person who could make his blood boil and get under his skin the way no one else could. On the other hand, this same boy had saved his life, from death by his father's hand no less, and had borne the brunt of Voldemort's fury as a result.

Harry frowned. He knew that Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix would be taken to Azkaban now. Would they receive the Dementor's kiss? To have their entire soul sucked away…did anyone deserve that?

Having lost only a small part of his soul, and knowing that desolate feeling alone, Harry didn't believe anyone deserved to have their whole soul wrenched away. Not even Lucius Malfoy.

Harry felt a little shock go through him as the next thought crossed his mind; Would Malfoy _want_ to talk to him? In protecting Harry from his father's killing curse, Malfoy had lost his family. They would be sent to Azkaban, along with the other Death Eaters and their loyal sons and daughters. Slytherin would be a much quieter house.

Would Malfoy resent him?

Harry crossed his arms as he watched over Malfoy. Why should he? He, Harry, didn't ask Malfoy to tackle his own father to the ground and save him from the Killing Curse.

But he would never forget that he did.

Harry uncrossed his arms and leaned forwards, leaning his elbows on the bed, his head in his hands.

"Thank you." he whispered. He sighed as he felt something of a weight lift off him.

Would talking help? Even though Malfoy couldn't hear him?

The words found their own way out of Harry's mouth.

"Thank you for saving me," he began, his voice unsteady. "I don't understand why you did it, but I'm glad, and I'm sorry you're hurt." he paused, unsure what to say next.

The words formed before Harry had thought them through, and spilled from his mouth.

"I feel like I don't know you at all now. Did I misjudge you? Was it an act? Did you mean to save me? Why would you sacrifice yourself? Were you just looking for an escape route, something to make sure you wouldn't get sent to Azkaban with the rest of them if we won?" Harry paused, frowning. "…I don't know what to believe anymore. We would have lost if you hadn't stopped him from…from killing me." he inhaled a shaky breath. "I don't know how to talk to you!" he said, feeling exasperated. "All we've ever done is fight. I don't know what to do or what to say." his brow creased. "I just know that I want to do _something,_ want to _say_ something." He ran a hand through his hair in irritation.

"I'm glad you're not awake," Harry laughed quietly." You'd probably just laugh at me for talking so much crap…or would you? I don't know you…I thought I did…" Harry stared at Malfoy's face, willing his eyes to open so he could ask him questions and understand him. They remained closed, and his chest rose and fell with the steady rhythm of sleep. "I just know that I want to know you."

He got up from the chair and made to turn away, but he caught sight of Malfoy's bedside table - it was empty. No-one had visited him to thank him for saving them, no-one had left tokens on his table. Harry frowned. He crossed to his own mountainous pile of sweets and get well gifts, he took as many as he could carry in his arms, and placed them on Malfoy's bedside table. He smiled softly and retreated back to his own bed, waiting for Madam Promfy to return.

~~**~~

Harry was rarely left alone in the Hospital Wing, if it wasn't Ron and Hermione visiting him, it was Ginny, or Fred and George, or most of his year, or most of the school actually. Everyone always thanked him, and wished him well, but most didn't actually know what was wrong with him.

Ron and Hermione knew, so did the Weasleys, and most of the teachers. But no-one else had been told the truth of his loss. They tried to act like things were normal, that Harry was on the mend. Harry didn't feel on the mend, he felt broken. Nevertheless, he smiled and thanked them all for coming to see him. He only let his silent tears fall when he was alone in bed at night. Though, it did make him happy, to know that he had truly helped them all, to know that they appreciated him for it. No one could say he was just a famous name and a scar now. Not even Malfoy.

Malfoy.

Most of the visitors who came to see Harry passed by Malfoy's curtained bed without a second thought. Only a few even stopped to take notice of it. Harry always gave him credit where it was due, stating that if it wasn't for Malfoy, he wouldn't even be alive. Many of his visitors seemed reluctant to believe that, despite the fact that they had seen it with their own eyes. When everyone left, usually late at night, Harry would climb out of his bed and sneak through the curtains around Malfoy's bed. He would sit in the bedside chair and watch over him, thinking. He would spend maybe an hour by his bedside, before retiring to his own.

Hermione broached the subject as Harry was getting ready to leave the Hospital Wing after his third day waking up there.

"How's Malfoy doing?" she asked softly.

Ron was helping Harry pile his sweets and cards into a bag he'd brought along. Harry shrugged.

"Madam Promfy said he'll be alright, but he's not woke up yet." he frowned. "She said his mind has made these…barriers, to protect him, and that he wont wake up until his mind eases up and he feels safe…or something."

Ron scoffed. "That's nothing Harry, after you faced You-Know-Who at the Triwizard tournament, you were out for a week."

"Still…I'm worried." Harry admitted.

Ron stared at him. "About Malfoy?" he said, aghast.

"He saved my life Ron." Harry reminded him coolly.

"Hrmph…" Ron grumbled.

"If Madam Promfy says he'll be okay, then he'll be okay Harry." Hermione soothed him.

"…okay."

"Right mate, lets get you back to Gryffindor Tower, we've been waiting for you to get back so we can have a proper party!" Ron grinned.

"I don't really feel like a party Ron." Harry crossed his arms over his chest, fighting the throb from his missing soul fragment.

"It'll cheer you up! Everyone's been worried about you , and everyone's waiting to thank you properly, to show you what it means to us." Ron continued.

"I don't want to be the hero in the spotlight any more." Harry grumbled, hugging his arms tighter to his chest. The last thing he wanted was to be surrounded by people, having to hide his grief and smile at them all...

Hermione chipped in. "You don't have to be Harry," she smiled. "You just have to let yourself enjoy this party. You deserve to be happy, try not to…dwell on the sadness, instead, think of how much better everything's going to be now." she smiled and led the way out of the Hospital Wing.

How could he not dwell on the sadness he felt? On the echoing pain from his heart? It consumed him. They didn't understand. They couldn't understand. But he would try nevertheless, like she said, to think of the happiness, to think what he had gained, rather than what he had lost.

~~**~~

The party the Gryffindors threw really was overwhelming for him. Ron and Hermione did their best to make sure he was never too overwhelmed though, and he thanked them for it.

Gradually, he fought back the ache in his soul and started to enjoy being with his friends, and he celebrated as best he could. Celebrated the end of his daunting burden. The end of what his life was leading up to. He could be who he wanted now. The world did not need Harry Potter anymore. While that was certainly a frightening thought, it invigorated Harry. He was free to choose his own path now. He cheered and smiled with everyone and although he could still feel the ache of his soul's grief, he felt strong enough to bear it. He was surrounded by people who loved him, people who were thankful for him.

However, in the midst of all his celebrating, he couldn't help his thoughts from dwelling to someone who should also be receiving praise, someone who deserved his thanks and more. Malfoy wasn't celebrating. Malfoy couldn't. And who was Malfoy really? Harry wanted to know.

Ron caught him a few hours later as he tried to duck out the portrait hole, his invisibility cloak in hand.

"Ahh up to no good again are we Harry?" he grinned, obviously relieved that Harry seemed to be in better condition.

Harry hung his head at being caught out. "Yeah, it's all a bit much for me Ron, thanks though."

"Where are you going?" Ron pressed.

"Just…feel like a walk." Harry hedged.

Ron, surprisingly, wasn't fooled. He crossed his arms "Malfoy won't be awake, Harry. Madam Promfy is watching over him, he'll be fine." he rolled his eyes. "Come back in and enjoy the party, _your _party!" he grinned, and tried to steer Harry back into the common room.

"Ron, I want to go to the Hospital Wing. You enjoy the party, this is everyone's party, not just mine."

Ron frowned. "Do you want me to come with you?" he offered, somewhat reluctantly.

Harry laughed softly. It sounded wrong, hollow. "And miss all this?" at that point a screeching streamer whizzed past them. They laughed. "No, you go back and enjoy the party, I'll be fine."

Ron hesitated. Then he nodded. "Okay, but what will I tell people when they ask for you?" he asked.

Harry shrugged, pulling on the invisibility cloak. "Tell them I said thanks, but I just needed some fresh air."

Ron nodded, clasped Harry's invisible shoulder and turned back to the party. Harry slid out into the draughty corridor and made his way up to the Hospital Wing.

~~**~~

He opened the door silently. It was dark, all the lights were out. He knew it was past curfew. He squinted through the darkness and saw that Malfoy's curtains were still drawn. He made his way over to the bed and settled into the familiar chair.

"_Lumos_" he whispered, and the tip of his wand lit up. He help it up over Malfoy, so he could see him.

His face still looked pale, but not as pale as it had been. He was unconscious still, or asleep. He lay on his back as he had done for the past three nights, his arms on either side of his body, palms facing down. The bandage on his left arm was still there, though no blood was seeping through it.

His head was turned slightly to the right, away from the chair in which Harry sat in. His hair fell over his face slightly. Harry leaned forwards unthinkingly and lightly pushed it back. It was soft, silky. A smile spread over his face. It was probably his pride and joy, being the snob he was.

He might not know Malfoy as well as he'd thought, but he was clearly a snob. Harry smiled again as he imagined how much care and attention Malfoy gave to his hair.

He rested his arms on the bed and crossed them, placing his chin on his clasped hands. He frowned at Malfoy's closed lids. What colour were Malfoy's eyes? He found he couldn't remember. Were they green, like his? Or were they blue, or brown. Harry imagined they would be something different, light, like his hair. He grew frustrated. Why couldn't he remember the colour of his eyes!? Did he really know _nothing _about the boy who saved him?

He sighed. "Wake up Malfoy." he said softly. "Wake up so I can know you. So I can ask you all these questions I have for you." He yawned briefly, his eyelids growing heavy. They hsot open again as he thought he'd seen Malfoy's fingers twitch. He stared at them for a bit, but they did not move. He lay his head on his arms, his cheek resting on his hands. He couldn't see Malfoy's face from this angle, but he was too tired to sit up. "What colour are your eyes?" he mused sleepily.

"Are you lost Malfoy? Can't you find your way back?" Harry whispered. He yawned again.

"Come back Malfoy. Please, wake up." His eyes drooped closed and he sighed, then, he was fast asleep.

~~**~~

_**.:???:.**_

Blackness. Never ending blackness. But I'm not afraid of it. It keeps me safe. I'm not drowning in it, I'm resting in it. I belong here.

_Wake Up_

What? What a ridiculous notion, I'm not asleep. I'm in a safe place.

Wait…_who_ am I?

_Wake Up_

What does it mean to be awake? Am I not awake?

Who am I? Who are you? I can feel something. What is that? What am I?

_What colour are your eyes?_

I have eyes? But all I see is blackness! Am I blind then?

_Are you lost Malfoy?_

Yes…

Malfoy?

…I _am_ Malfoy. That's my name, my _self? _

The blackness is ebbing. Its not so dark anymore.

There are shades of black now, some lighter than others.

_Can't you find your way back?_

Back to where?

Where else is there but this safe blackness? Its fading away!

It's leaving me…

No…_I'm_ leaving.

Who are you?

Why do I know your voice?

_Come back Malfoy_

How !? Where to!?

That voice…?

Why do I know that voice?

…I want to go back…

_Please wake up_

Its taken some time.

I think…I think I'm back.

I can feel that I have arms and legs and hands and fingers and toes.

My lids are shut, though there are dark colours behind them, where once only blackness reigned.

I'm dreaming…

Is someone there?

~~**~~

* * *

A/N: Once again, please review!

And thanks for reading :)


	3. 03 Scars

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to JK. I do not own him. Or any of his sexy friends, namely Draco Malfoy. Although I wish i did.

**Warnings: ** SLASH (eventual)

Spoilers. Don't know how many so i'll just play safe and say spoilers for all the books.

**Author's Note: **This is my first ever published FanFic. Please be gentle with me. I bruise easily. Give reveiws? and Constructive critisism, as i may need a little push now and then. Hope you enjoy :)**  
**

* * *

**Scars**

_How did we get here?_

_ When I used to know you so well, yeah _

_How did we get here? _

_Well, I think I know how_

_

* * *

_

_**.:Malfoy:.**_

The early morning sunshine filtered through the windows of the Hospital wing. The light did not penetrate Draco Malfoy's bedside, as the curtains were still drawn.

The blonde boy's eyes twitched, as though fighting off sleep. Trying to awake from a dream.

His fingers twitched. His breathing changed, it was no longer the deep, slow and steady breathing of a dreamer.

His lips parted and he inhaled a shaky, dry breath.

He opened his eyes.

Though it was not bright, Malfoy scrunched his eyes up at the light, having spent four nights in darkness, it was blinding to him. Once his eyes adjusted, he realised he was in the Hospital Wing, in school.

He realised he was _alive_.

A bubble of happiness drifted up through him and he blinked. He flexed his fingers and toes. He lifted his arms up to stare at his hands.

He existed. He was alive. He had a body and a heart and a mind.

He moved his legs, stiff as they were from lying in a bed for so long. His left leg brushed against something and he froze. He looked to where the disturbance was, or rather, should have been. But there was nothing there. He frowned, puzzled.

There was a dent in the sheets. He moved his leg ever so slightly, and again, it came into contact with some invisible force.

Invisible…

Slowly, Malfoy reached over with a shaking hand and lightly felt for the invisible presence. His hand met something in mid air. It felt silky, but slippery. He pinched it - whatever it was, and drew it up and away.

He realised it was a cloak - an invisibility cloak no less. He stared at it in fascination, and confusion. Then, he realised there was still a weight on the left side of his bed. He dropped the cloak to the floor in shock as he saw who was resting at his bedside.

Harry Potter.

Suddenly, everything came back to him in a flash. Harry Potter, writhing on the ground in agony. His tortured face as he stared at his friends, and the glance he gave to him, Draco Malfoy.

The moment of confusion and amazement as Harry somehow overcame the Cruciatis curse and disarmed Voldemort.

His jaw tightened. His father stepping forward to end Harry Potter's life and his own recklessness as he fought to stop him and Bellatrix.

Then, he remembered the pain of Yaxley's curse as he felt gashes opening in his skin, spilling him open from the inside out.

And yet…he was alive…and so was Harry.

They had won.

Harry Potter had beaten Lord Voldemort.

He couldn't believe it.

He wouldn't believe it until someone told him it was true.

But still…

Why was Harry Potter by his bedside?

Shouldn't he be celebrating?

Draco frowned down at the sleeping boy. His jet black hair was disarrayed and his face was turned away from Malfoy as he slept.

Draco suddenly remembered something from his strange dream.

_Come back Malfoy._

_Please wake up._

Did Harry Potter say those things to him?

His frowned deepened. He heard Harry stir and immediately made his face blank. He closed his eyes and rested his head back on the pillows. He steadied his breathing into the slow rhythm of a heavy sleeper. He didn't want Potter to know he was awake. He didn't know what to say to him. He knew Potter must know he had saved him from his fathers curse. What would he think of that?

Potter yawned and Draco concentrated on his breathing. He could hear and feel Potter sitting up. Would he leave? He couldn't hear anything else and he was tempted to open his eyes, just slightly, to see what was going on, but he didn't.

Potter gasped, seeming to notice the absence of his cloak, Draco could hear him duck down to the floor to retrieve it. There was the swishy sound of the fabric being swung into place and then silence.

Did he leave?

The chair scraped lightly against the floor, from what Draco could tell, moving closer.

"Did you wake up?" came Harry's whisper, slightly slurred and thick with sleep.

Draco kept his face blank and focused on the rhythm of his breathing.

There was a short silence, and then -

"I didn't mean to stay here all night… they'll be worried about me." Harry said softly. Malfoy wondered why he bothered talking at all when it was clear that he was asleep, well…looked asleep.

Something else blundered into his head. He…stayed here all night? Malfoy wished he could ask why, but he was pretending to sleep.

"Come back Malfoy." Harry whispered. Malfoy had to concentrate harder on keeping his breathing even. He thought the sound of his heart thudding would give him away, but Potter seemed not to notice.

"I need to go…" Harry mumbled. "Wake up soon Malfoy." he said softly, then the sound of the curtains being passed, and the soft click of the door opening, then closing. And he was alone.

Harry Potter wanted him to wake up.

Harry Potter had brought him back.

Draco may have saved Harry, but Harry had saved him from the bottomless black void he had been drifting in. He had called him back. But why?

~~**~~

_**.:Harry:.**_

Harry left the hospital wing and made his way back to his dorms. He fell into bed, his invisibility cloak sliding off him. He wasn't tired, he'd slept at Malfoy's bedside. He lay there for a while until the rest of the dorm awoke, and Ron came to wake him up.

Classes were postponed for a week of celebration, meaning that Harry could drift down to the Great Hall whenever he pleased and get his breakfast, even if he chose to have it at four in the afternoon.

As it would be, it was only 11AM when Harry and the rest of the Gryffindors made their way down to breakfast.

Harry eat heartily, not realising how hungry he was. Ron and Hermione were bickering again. Harry smiled to himself as he thought that some things never change. Harry's gaze wandered over to the almost empty Slytherin table. All of the Death Eaters children who had willingly followed Voldemort, had been removed from the school and taken in to be questioned, and then later, sent to Azkaban to join their parents. A few Slytherins remained, mainly from the lower years, and a couple from the year above. Only two Slytherins from Harry's year remained. One was Blaise Zabini, the other, was Draco Malfoy of course.

Draco Malfoy who hadn't eaten anything in four days and was still lying up in the Hospital wing.

Harry grabbed a plate and put a stack of toast, bacon, eggs and beans onto it. He filled a glass with pumpkin juice.

Ron eyed his plate. "Wow Harry, you must be hungry to have that for seconds." he laughed.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You've got a cheek, you'd eat this for thirds!" Ron laughed again and shrugged.

"True, true." he said.

Harry stood up. "Anyway, this isn't for me."

Ron frowned, then raised his eyebrows. "You're going to the Hospital Wing again aren't you?" he said.

"Yes."

"Harry, don't you think-"

Harry cut him off. "Ron, he's not eaten in like, four days."

"Yeah but, you went to see him last night, did he wake up?" Ron ventured.

"…No, but he might have woken up today." Harry said stubbornly.

Ron sighed. "I don't get it Harry, just because he gave his dad and murdering scum of an aunt what they deserved, doesn't mean you should be waiting on him hand and foot." he glowered.

Harry frowned. "I know that, and I'm not, I'm just worried."

"Ron, let him be." Hermione piped up. Ron turned to stare at her, incredulously. " If this is how he wants to show Malfoy his gratitude, then let him. But honestly Harry, Madam Promfy will provide him with breakfast when he wakes up."

Harry shrugged. "I still owe him." and with that, he waved goodbye to Ron and Hermione and made his way to the Hospital Wing.

~~**~~

Madam Promfy had argued with him about the food. "If he needs anything when he wakes, _I'll_ get it to him Mr Potter, please do not think me so incompetent."

"I don't, I just thought it'd be nice." Harry mumbled.

Madam Promfy frowned, then sighed in exasperation. "Oh, very well then!" Harry smiled sheepishly and she couldn't help giving him a warm smile in return. He was the Hero of the Wizarding world after all.

The curtains were still drawn. Harry pushed through them and settled himself into the chair by Malfoy's bed. He placed the plate on Malfoy's bedside table. Malfoy looked exactly the same as when Harry had left him earlier that morning.

"If the smell of all this doesn't wake you up, nothing will." he sighed, wafting the scents over to him.

Malfoy's closed eyes twitched slightly, as did his fingers.

"Malfoy!?" He gasped and jumped to his feet, leaning over Malfoy's bed. "Can you hear me? Are you awake?"

Malfoy's breathing hitched slightly. A long, slow sigh escaped his lips. Harry's eyes widened. "Malfoy!"

Malfoy moved his head slightly, and slowly, his eyes fluttered open.

Harry gasped. They were a brilliant metallic silver, tired with so much sleep, but open nonetheless.

"Y-You-You're awake!" Harry stammered. He felt his hand twitch. He looked down to where he held it against his chest.

No.

Not his hand, _Malfoy's_ hand, held tightly in his own. He dropped it lightly and his cheeks warmed. "Sorry." he mumbled.

Malfoy just stared at him.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked, worried now. Malfoy just watched him, his silver eyes holding his own.

Harry wrenched his eyes away from Malfoy's. He burst through the curtains. "Madam Promfy! He's awake! He's awake!"

Madam Promfy came hurrying over. On seeing Malfoy's open eyes she smiled.

"Welcome back Mr Malfoy." she said.. "Does anything hurt?" she asked.

Malfoy shook his head, his face blank.

"Oh…good. "Does anything feel out of the ordinary?" she asked him concernedly.

Malfoy arched his brow.

"Define ordinary?" he said, his voice quiet, soft, but a voice all the same. Harry smiled. He didn't realise that he'd forgotten what Malfoy's voice sounded like.

"How do you feel?" asked Madam Promfy.

Malfoy sighed, then a small smile graced his features.

"Alive." he said simply.

Madam Promfy was not satisfied and continued to check Malfoy over, making sure he was alright, while Harry waited anxiously on the sidelines.

"Well Mr Malfoy, you're perfectly fine." she smiled at him. "If you still feel groggy or strange at all, you can stay here tonight."

Malfoy shook his head. "Id rather stay in my own dorm tonight if that's alright?" he asked. Madam Promfy nodded. He made to get up out of his bed, but Harry rushed forwards.

"No! Don't get up, you've been in bed for four days! Take it easy." he babbled.

Malfoy stared at him, his brow arching. Harry coughed and looked away, feeling stupid.

"I'll let you two talk." Madam Promfy said, and she bustled away, leaving the curtains drawn closed. Harry was glad for the privacy. There was so much he wanted to ask Malfoy.

"Why are you here Potter?" Malfoy asked, his voice uncaring. Harry blinked and stared.

Malfoy's stomache growled.

"I-I uh. I brought you something to eat." Harry said.

Malfoy waited expectantly. "Well…?" he finally said when Harry didn't move.

"Oh right yeah," Harry passed him the plate.

Malfoy eyed it appreciatively. "Nice, I'm starving." He took a piece of toast and bit into it.

Harry just stared. He shook his head and sat down in the chair. Malfoy stared at him as he ate.

"What day is it?" Malfoy asked.

"Um…Wednesday." Harry answered.

"Why are you here, Potter?" Malfoy repeated his former question when he finished his toast.

Harry stared at him, a frown on his face.

"You saved my life." he said simply.

Malfoy nodded once. "True, but that has nothing to do with my question." He skewered a piece of bacon and put it in his mouth.

Harry floundered. "I…I dunno I just wanted to ask you some stuff." he looked at his hands. This was a stupid idea.

Malfoy swallowed his mouthful and took a drink of pumpkin juice. "So shoot." he said, his eyes on Harry.

"Well…I was wondering why?" Harry asked, not looking at him.

"Why what?" came Malfoy's voice.

Harry stared at him, right into his eyes, as if trying to lift the answers from their metallic depths.

"Why did you save me?" Harry finally asked the question that had plagued him for days on end.

Malfoy shrugged. He swallowed another mouthful of beans and toast. "To prove I'm better than you?" he suggested. Harry stiffened, his eyes wide. Maybe Malfoy hadn't changed at all. Disappointment sunk in him like a rock. "Or maybe," Malfoy continued, "I wanted to prove that I could be a Hero too." He took a drink of juice. Harry looked down at his hands again.

"Or maybe because I realised I didn't want you to die." Harry's head snapped up, but Malfoy wasn't looking at him, he was contemplating the food on his plate.

"What?" Harry said softly.

"Take your pick." Malfoy shrugged nonchalantly. "But first, answer my question properly."

Harry stared at him.

"Why are you here?" Malfoy repeated again, setting his plate on the bedside table.

"Because…"Harry began, unsure what to say. "Because I want to be." he finished, frowning.

Malfoy frowned in return. "Why?"

"Because you saved me." Harry said again. Wasn't that self explanatory?

Malfoy nodded knowingly. "Ahh, and you feel indebted to me, hence the food, is that right?"

Harry's frown deepened. "I am indebted to you, but that's not why I'm here."

Malfoy laughed a soft, bitter laugh. "You feel guilty."

"Yes." Harry replied. "But that's not all."

Malfoy waited for him to go on. Harry dropped his eyes, unable to answer with Malfoy's eyes boring into his own. "I wanted to thank you. For saving me. And I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." Harry hung his head.

Malfoy frowned. "What for?" he asked, confusion colouring his tone.

Harry lifted his head up to look him in the eye. "That you had to sacrifice your family to do it. They're in Azkaban now." Harry told Malfoy. He couldn't care less that Lucius and Bellatrix were in Azkaban, but still, they were Malfoy's family.

Malfoy gaped at him. "You're apologising for that!?" he cried.

Harry just nodded.

Malfoy near exploded. "They're not my _family! _I _hate_ them!"

Harry stared at him in complete shock. Hadn't he always been Draco Malfoy, who parroted the ideas and beliefs of his father? Yet here he was , saying he hated him, and the hate burned so brightly in his platinum eyes that Harry didn't doubt he was telling the truth.

"What!? But…you always.." Harry began,

"Idolised him?" Malfoy laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I did. I wanted to _be_ him." he spat, disgusted. "I was a brainwashed fool, like the rest of them."

Harry stared at him, still in shock. Before he could ask anything more, Malfoy continued on.

"Do you know what happened to me over the summer Potter?" he began, sneering as he used to do so often in the past, but this was different. The sneer was directed _inward, _at himself. Harry shook his head.

"My _father_," he spat the word. "decided it was time I met the Dark Lord himself."

Harry's eyes widened.

"As you can imagine, it wasn't exactly the best summer holiday." he laughed bitterly before continuing. "He thought it was about time I took up the Malfoy mantle and pledged my allegiance. Like an _idiot-_" he seethed, "-I was all too eager. It wasn't until I was being marched down the stairs into our drawing room, that I came face to face with the madman." Malfoy hissed. When he began again, a new quality found its way into his voice - fear.

"He was barely human." Malfoy whispered. "It was then, as I laid eyes on that monster, that I realised they were all insane. Every single one of them. Even my parents. I could see this _thing _was insane and dangerous, parents aren't meant to expose their children to that!" he cried, his eyes burning with rage and hate. "But they did, and they did it with such pride it made me sick."

Harry made to reach out to him, but dropped his hand halfway, thinking better of it.

"After that first meeting, I wanted out. I saw the flaws in his plan, my eyes were opened. I knew I'd been brainwashed and in that instant I saw sense. I knew right from wrong, and I saw that everything he did was wrong and disgusting and ugly. He was the epitome of evil and hate and everything twisted!" Malfoy's voice broke on the last word and he bowed his head. Harry did reach out to him this time, putting a hand on his shoulder. A single, small tear fell down Malfoy's face. He wiped it on his other shoulder.

"Malfoy he's dead, and this time he's not coming back." Harry reassured him, squeezing his shoulder.

Malfoy chuckled softly. "Well, you're alive, so I figured as much." he said, his eyes glistening. Harry removed his hand.

There was a short silence and then-

"How did you do it?" Malfoy asked.

Harry wouldn't look at him. He knew he was talking about Voldemort. "I don't want to talk about it." he mumbled.

Malfoy frowned. "Okay…forget it." he said.

Harry hugged his arms tight to his chest. "I don't want to forget it either." he said quietly. Malfoy cocked his head to the side, studying him.

Harry noticed the bandage on Malfoy's arm. "How's your arm?" Harry asked quietly. It was still so strange for him to have a conversation with Malfoy where one of them wasn't throwing jinxes at the other.

"Fine, why?"

Harry frowned at him. "Maybe because you've got a huge bandage on it?" he suggested, arching his brows.

Malfoy stared down at his arm, and seemed surprised.

"Does it hurt?" Harry asked. Malfoy shook his head. "Well, Madam Promfy said you're fine so you should probably take it off." he said, reaching for his arm as he spoke. Malfoy jerked his arm away.

"Don't touch it!" he hissed.

Harry frowned, then his eyes widened before narrowing again. "No." he said, his voice firm. He reached for Malfoy's arm again, who jerked away, but Harry grabbed it.

"Don't!" Malfoy hissed, trying to break free from his grasp, but he was still weak. Harry held him down with his other arm. He unwrapped the bandage and gasped. Malfoy stopped struggling.

On Malfoy's left forearm was a faded, mangled Dark Mark.

Faded, because it was grey rather than the deepest black.

Mangled, because it was criss-crossed with thin white scars, that looked as though Malfoy had tried to cut the Mark from his skin.

He lifted his eyes from the mutilated mark on Malfoy's arm, to Malfoy's eyes, downcast and staring away from him.

"Malfoy! Oh my God!" Harry exclaimed. He stared down at the Mark again. "You took the mark?" he asked his voice hollow.

Malfoy didn't look at him as he answered. "My _father_ forced me to take it." he said.

Harry sat down, his jaw hanging wide. He snapped it shut. He still held Malfoy's arm, and he couldn't take his eyes off the Mark as Malfoy continued. "I told him I thought they were all insane, and that I didn't want anything more to do with him. He dragged me outside to Him." Malfoy gritted his teeth as he spoke, his fists clenching. Harry traced the white scars on his arm. Some of these looked like they went quite deep. His brow furrowed. "He laughed as that maniac burned it into my skin. He laughed and cheered with pride, as if he couldn't hear my screams of defiance. And then, when we are alone, he said…" Malfoy cut off, and looked away. He seemed to notice Harry tracing his scars with his fingertips and turned to stare at him.

"What? What did he say?" Harry pressed, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Malfoy swallowed. "He said… "No Harry Potter is coming to save _you_ Draco."."

Harry just stared, his eyes wide.

Malfoy went on, dropping his eyes. "After that, I went to my room and got my potions knife, " Harry swallowed audibly. "I figured I would either cut it out of me, or bleed to death. Either one would have been favourable." He laughed a bitter laugh. "But Bellatrix found me. She punished me, and made sure I didn't have anything to cut my arm with again. She took everything from me, my wand, my books my potions kits, everything. And I was locked in my room." he finished, looking over at Harry, who was staring at him with avid attention.

Malfoy's face changed into a twisted smile. "And now we both have scars."

Harry looked down, realised he was still holding Malfoy's arm. He let it go.

"Sometimes the worst injuries don't leave scars on the outside." Harry said, feeling a pang in his chest.

Malfoy frowned in a silent question. Harry shook his head. "Never mind." he mumbled.

They sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.

Malfoy chuckled softly. "I can't believe we sat through an entire conversation, without trying to curse each other."

Harry's mouth turned up in a smile. "I know." he said.

He felt Malfoy's gaze on him and looked up, meeting his eyes. "Something's changed about you Potter." Malfoy stated.

"You're one to talk." Harry laughed awkwardly. He felt self conscious.

"Fair enough" Malfoy allowed, "Something much more life altering has changed in me, but regardless, you're different."

Harry flinched at Malfoy's choice of words. Something life altering had changed in him too, rather, had left him. He hugged his arms to his chest again.

"People change."

"Evidently." was Malfoy's reply.

Harry stared at him, From his pale face to his pointed nose, his cheekbones, his blonde hair and his mercury eyes. This was all the outside. Harry wanted to know the Malfoy on the _inside._ Wanted to know the true Malfoy that had hidden behind the façade he'd created.

Malfoy cocked an eyebrow. "Are you looking for something, or just looking?"

Harry blushed, caught out in his staring.

"I don't know you at all." Harry said.

"No, you don't" Malfoy agreed.

"Do you hate me?" Harry asked, part of him fearing the answer.

Malfoy seemed to deliberate.

"Your not my enemy any more." he said softly.

Harry's eyes widened. "Well…that's…good." He mumbled lamely.

"Is it?" Malfoy asked, his head cocked to the side.

Harry frowned. "You're strange.".

Malfoy laughed. "And you're blunt. Sill, strange has got to be better than an evil twat. " Harry was still in shock at hearing Malfoy laugh properly.

"Who will we fight with now?" Malfoy mused, chuckling to himself. Harry smiled shyly, feeling out of his element. He didn't know how to be around Malfoy.

"I don't know how to talk to you." Harry admitted.

"Don't then." Malfoy said simply, a hard edge in his eyes and voice.

"I want to."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Harry said honestly. Malfoy waited for a proper answer. Harry sighed.

"All I know is, I thought you'd died out there, and I was…sad…that I didn't know who you really were." Harry blushed, feeling stupid. "Does that sound daft?"

Malfoy waved his hand dismissively. "Everything you say sounds stupid." he chuckled lightly. "So you want to know the real Draco Malfoy?" he went on, laughing again.

Harry nodded.

"It might not be pleasant." Malfoy warned him, all traces of humour gone.

Harry shrugged. "Nobody's perfect."

"Except you, right?" Malfoy said, a mocking edge to his tone. Harry sighed, he guessed there was still a certain amount of bitterness between them. It would take a while for that to fade entirely.

"Especially not me."

They stared each other down for a bit, but Harry was the first to blink and look away.

"Fine. I'll send you an owl tomorrow." Malfoy said.

"What?" Harry said, dumfounded. He half expected Malfoy to refuse vehemently.

"I want to sleep, this conversation has worn me out, I'll owl you tomorrow and we'll meet up and have a banter." he winked.

Harry's eyebrows shot to the ceiling in shock. Did Malfoy just _wink_ at him ?

Harry got up and walked to the curtains. "Uh, yeah okay, erm. Right…bye then."

"Goodbye Potter." Malfoy said, rolling onto his side as he prepared for sleep. Harry left the hospital wing.

Well…that didn't go too badly did it? He thought.

~~**~~

A/N: Ehhh, this chapter annoyed me for some reason. Once again, reveiws and constructive criticism welcome and appreciated.

I've already written the next chapter, but im not too sure about it and I'm still editing it. It should be up soonish so check back :D

Thanks for reading :)


	4. 04 Conversations

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to JK. I do not own him. Or any of his sexy friends, namely Draco Malfoy. Although I wish i did.

**Warnings: ** SLASH (eventual)

Spoilers. Don't know how many so i'll just play safe and say spoilers for all the books.

**Author's Note: **This is my first ever published FanFic. Please be gentle with me. I bruise easily. Give reveiws? and Constructive critisism, as i may need a little push now and then. Hope you enjoy :)

_**

* * *

Conversations**_

_Do you see what we've done? _

_We've gone and made such fools_

_Of ourselves_

_

* * *

_  
_**.:Harry:.**_  
_  
Potter,_

_If 9pm isn't too late for you, then meet me at the doors the to entrance hall and we'll have that chat you wanted..  
If not, owl me back and tell me, so I'm not standing at the doors by myself like an idiot._

_Draco  
_  
Harry received the letter at lunchtime. He looked over to the Slytherin table. Malfoy was sitting there with Blaise Zabini, the only two Slytherins left in their year. Harry felt strangely jealous of him. He was in the same house as Malfoy, the same dorm no less. He could talk to him whenever he pleased, he could talk to the mystery of Draco Malfoy freely, anytime.  
Lucky sod.  
Harry traced his thumb over Malfoy's signature. He'd signed it "Draco", obviously showing that he wasn't the "Malfoy" persona anymore. Still, Harry found it too weird to call him Draco, so, he wrote;

_Malfoy,_

_Yeah that sounds fine. Just don't go back on it and leave me standing at the doors like an idiot._

_Harry_

He sent Hedwig off with his letter. She came back with another letter for him after only a few minutes.

_Potter_

_Your owl is very beautiful, and no, that's not an innuendo.  
Why would I leave you standing at the doors like an idiot? Its hardly my style is it?_

_Draco_

Not an innuendo? What the hell!? Harry felt the blood rush to his cheeks. What the hell was wrong with Malfoy?

_Malfoy_

_You're weird.  
Thank you…I think.  
And I dunno._

_Harry_

Hedwig returned after an even shorter time.

_Potter_

_You rarely ever do know much._

_Draco_

Harry glared at the letter in his hands. He picked up his quil and wrote his response.

_Malfoy_

_Look - we're fighting again.  
Knew this truce couldn't last that long._

_Harry_

Hedwig flew off with his letter and Harry turned to see Ron staring at him.  
"Harry…are you sending letters to Malfoy?" he asked, looking faintly disgusted.  
"Er, yeah."  
Ron grimaced. "Ugh, I don't get why you feel like you have to talk to him. Yeah yeah, he saved your life, but hes still a git."  
Harry frowned. "We don't know that anymore. Maybe he's changed."  
Ron shrugged, still I don't get why you and Malfoy are suddenly sending letters off to each other like you're star-crossed lovers. Give it a rest will you?" Ron grumbled.  
"Ron!" Harry hissed, blushing. "Don't say that! People will think it's true!"  
Ron grinned, turning to face him. "Why so red Harry? Why so jumpy? Maybe it IS true?" he laughed.  
Harry just got redder. "Oh My God, no. No it's bloody not and you know it!" He shoved Ron lightly, before hiding his face in his hands.  
"Ohhh I dunno Harry, from the colour you've gone I'd say it could be love!" he laughed again, before downing his glass of pumpkin juice.  
"Ron, don't!" Hermione scolded, though she was hiding a grin behind her hand.  
"Aww, he knows I'm only joking Hermione, don't you Harry?" he whacked him on the back in a friendly way, and knocked the breath from him. "I know you'd never go for an idiot like Malfoy. Or a guy no less."  
"Haha, " Harry said weakly, getting his breath back. "Good one Ron."

Hedwig returned with one more letter. Harry glanced at Ron, who wiggled his eyebrows at him, Harry blushed again before opening it.  
_  
Potter_

_Looks like we're not the only ones fighting.  
I thought Weasley was your friend?  
Is that why he's hitting you and making you choke on your food until you look like a tomato?  
Nice.  
See you at 9pm_

_Malfoy_

Harry blushed, making sure to hide his face from both Malfoy and Ron's view.

~~**~~

9pm came soon enough, and Harry donned his invisibility cloak, just in case Malfoy didn't turn up and he was left standing himself like an idiot, and made his way down to the entrance hall.  
Malfoy was already there, leaning against the wall. He looked nervous. Maybe he thought Harry would stand him up after all.  
Stand him up? Oh god it was like they were meeting for a date! What would people think!?  
He calmed himself down. They'd just think they were meeting up to talk, like normal people. Damn Ron for making him so jumpy. He'd already had a right laugh when Harry told him he was leaving to see Malfoy.  
"You make sure he treats you right Harry." he had chortled, before Harry had blushed, grumbled and left.  
Malfoy was fidgeting now. He seemed uneasy. The few people walking past stared at him openly. He stared right back. Well, glowered would be a more appropriate word.  
Harry walked down the stares to meet him.  
"Hi." he said awkwardly.  
Malfoy nearly jumped out of his skin. "What the-!"  
"Calm down, it's me." Harry said, suppressing a laugh.  
Malfoy tried to regain his composure, and his dignity. "Oh, right. What's the matter Potter, afraid to be seen with me in public?" he sneered. Harry frowned at his sneer.  
"No, just didn't want to stand by the doors myself like an idiot." Harry snickered.  
Malfoy frowned. "Well take it off Potter I don't know where I'm supposed to be looking!" he said.  
Harry laughed and pulled off the cloak.  
"Hiya" he grinned. What was wrong with him?  
Malfoy arched a brow as if he was wondering the exact same thing.  
"So…where are we going?" Harry asked, suddenly feeling awkward.  
"I thought we could go outside…by the lake? It's a nice night." Malfoy suggested, leading the way. Harry followed, fighting the blush that threatened to rise on his cheeks. Oh brilliant, a nice night by the lake with Draco Malfoy. It was actually cringe-worthy. If anyone saw them, namely Ron, Harry would never hear the end of this.  
"Er, yeah…whatever." Harry said, shrugging. Malfoy turned to look at him, frowning slightly.

They walked to the lake in silence. Malfoy sat down on the grass. Harry stayed standing.  
An uncomfortable silence ensued.  
"Well…this isn't awkward at all." Harry laughed self-consciously.  
Malfoy chuckled. "It's only awkward if you make it awkward, and you are, so sit down." he said, staring off at the lake's surface.  
"Er…right." Harry said, he sat down beside Malfoy, leaving a fair bit of space between them.  
"So…what do you want to know?" Malfoy asked.  
Harry said nothing. He'd forgotten that all this was his idea. Now that he was here, with Malfoy, something he'd actually been jealous of Zabini for, he found he didn't have much to say.  
"I…I dunno." he answered, feeling incredibly stupid.  
"Potter, if I had a galleon for every time you've said that…" he trailed off.  
"Why did you hate me?" Harry blurted.  
Malfoy's brow furrowed as he thought. "I don't know."  
Harry sighed. Malfoy laughed. "See how frustrating that is?" He paused, considering his answer. "I don't think I ever did hate you." Malfoy said softly.  
Harry's head whipped around. "What!?"  
Malfoy chuckled. "Did you hate me?" he asked.  
"No," Harry frowned. "I hated Voldemort. I hated Snape. You were probably number three or four."  
"Three or four!?" Malfoy exclaimed. "You were my number one!"  
Harry blushed. If anyone stumbled across them and heard that, they'd think they were having an entirely different conversation.  
"Well…you _were_ my number one," Malfoy continued, "before I got some sense and realised, albeit grudgingly, that there are actually worse things out there than Harry Potter." he admitted.  
Harry laughed. When Malfoy said his first name it sounded strange, alien, because it wasn't spat with hate, and because he had rarely ever said it anyway.  
A crease appeared in Malfoy's brow. He picked at the fabric of his trouser leg as he spoke. "I realised I didn't hate you. I didn't like you, sure. But I definitely didn't hate you. I hated Him. And I hated my father for making me get this." he raised his left arm. As the sleeve of his robe slipped down, Harry could see that he had a new bandage on it.  
He turned to Harry then.  
"When did you realise there were worse things out there than me?" Malfoy asked, laughing quietly.  
"Are there?" Harry asked playfully. He snickered at Malfoy's outraged and dramatised reaction.  
"I've always known you weren't the worst thing out there. I knew there were darker, evil, more powerful things. You just irritated me. Got under my skin like no-one else could. Annoyed me. Made my blood boil." Harry paused, feeling like he'd said too much, offended Malfoy. He laughed to himself. Since when did he care about offending Malfoy? He glanced at him, but he seemed to be waiting for Harry to continue, so he did. "You always brought out the worst in me. And you were always there! Always in my way, always in my face! Sneering. I hated your sneer. I still do." Harry paused, blinked and looked apologetically at Malfoy, who waved vaguely like it didn't matter.  
"You were always provoking me, and maybe I provoked you too. You were horrible, to me and Ron and Hermione, and generally everyone else too. You really, really irritated me!" Harry laughed at the memory, as echoes of those feelings floated into his head.  
Malfoy laughed. "Seems like I did well then." Harry nodded.

"It's the same for me. You just…were so annoying. And…I was jealous of you." he admitted.  
Harry gawked at him.  
"You're Harry Potter, who isn't jealous of you?" Malfoy chuckled. "You made my blood boil too. Made me see red. There were times when I thought I wanted to kill you." Malfoy admitted, sending a chill through Harry. Malfoy either didn't notice, or ignored it. "How stupid I was. I don't have it in me to kill someone." he said simply.  
Harry hugged his arms to his chest. "You say that like it's a bad thing." he said quietly.  
Malfoy shrugged. "I was brought up to believe that being unable to kill was a weakness." he explained.  
"It's not." Harry said, he was struggling to hold himself together. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He had killed. He had murdered.  
"When you have that desire, to, to kill someone, the bravest thing you can do is not kill them." Harry's voice broke and Malfoy's head snapped up to look at him. He was shivering with the effort it took to hold in the sobs that threatened to escape him.  
"Potter…?" Malfoy made to reach out to him.  
"Don't touch me." Harry gasped. Malfoy dropped his hand, but stared at him with wide eyes.  
"What's…what is it?"  
Harry struggled to hold back his tears, his eyes burning at the corners, his heart throbbing as it pined for his lost piece of soul.  
"I've killed." he breathed. "I've murdered."  
"Yes." he agreed, and it made Harry sick to realise that there was a reverence in his voice. "You killed Voldemort, the most evil and vile thing in the world! You ended it. You gave us hope, you gave us freedom." Malfoy tried to console him.  
"Don't!" Harry cried. His body shaking violently. "You hated me for that! You hated that they thought I was a Hero, you hated The Boy Who Lived, don't respect him now!"  
Malfoy stared at him, his eyes wide and wary.  
"What everyone else expect of me, you loathed. You didn't expect anything from me. You didn't think I deserved the status. And I don't! So don't start changing that too!"  
"I was just jealous-" Malfoy started.  
"No!" Harry cried. "Don't have that…that respect for "Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived," because that's not me, he's not there any more." a strangled sob broke out from his chest and he tightened his grip on himself, digging is nails in until it hurt as he determinedly regained his composure.  
"I know." Malfoy said softly.

"You don't know-"Harry began, fury rising in him, the way it used to when Malfoy got under his skin.  
"I know you're different from what they all think of you!" Malfoy exploded, turning to face him. "I know you're not just the boy with the scar! I know you're a person, not a title! And I know now, that you resented it."  
Harry's anger deflated into harsh, choking sounds that escaped his chest. Malfoy reached out to him again, trying to comfort him. Harry cringed away.  
"I don't want pity." Harry spat.  
"It's not pity." Malfoy said simply. He gripped Harry's shoulder and this time Harry did not flinch away. He just sat, and tried to control the gurgled sobs that threatened to break free from him. He inhaled a long, shaky breath.  
Harry calmed himself enough that Malfoy retracted his hand from his shoulder. Now that they were no longer bitter enemies, Harry found there was a different, stranger tension between them.

"Do you think I'm a blubbering idiot now?" Harry asked, feeling stupid.  
Malfoy smiled. Harry was momentarily entranced by his smile, having never truly seen it before.  
"No, I just think you've endured a lot of pain. A lot more than your willing to show."  
Harry didn't know what to say to that.  
"We'd better go in, its getting late." Malfoy said.  
"What time is it?" Harry asked.  
"Like 11"  
"Past curfew."  
"Brain of Brittan, Potter." Malfoy laughed.  
"We'll need the cloak." Harry said. He pulled it out from his pocket and flung it over the two of them. It didn't cover them entirely, but it would have to do.  
"Looks like we'll need to stick close" Malfoy laughed, looking at their feet sticking out from under the Cloak.  
"You need to stoop." Harry said. Malfoy did so. They made their way back to the castle. Harry left Malfoy near the dungeons, then made his way to Gryffindor tower.

Harry lay in his bed, frowning, feeling embarrassment and shame creep up to a flush in his face.  
He'd acted like an idiot in front of Malfoy.  
For all his "wanting to get to know Malfoy", he'd just spent the night in a rant about himself.  
How self-absorbed could you get?  
He'd have to try again. Not alone with Malfoy though, he was too different, and yet strangely, annoyingly, the same. Harry didn't know how to talk to him and he didn't much like being left alone with him - it made him nervous.  
He remembered there was a Hogsmeade trip on Saturday. He'd ask Malfoy to come with him, Ron and Hermione…but what would Ron say?  
He wouldn't be happy. He still didn't trust Malfoy.  
Harry frowned. He'd have to tell him about Malfoy's mark. And about how he tried to cut it from his arm. It was the most explicit way of proving to Ron that Malfoy wasn't a Death Eater, nor was he an evil git anymore.  
He mulled this over, nodded to himself and rolled over, yawning. He relaxed back into his pillows and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: **Arghhhh

**21/12/08** - **Important!**: For the time being, I don't think I'll be updating this story very regularly, as I'm focusing more on my other story, Revelations, and I think if i keep flitting between the two I'll get confused (it happens easily) and also because there's a distinct contrast between the Harry and Draco in Revelations compared to this, which is a lot less light hearted, and i don't wan the differences to leak through to each other.

**HOLD ON !** i promise that i WILL continue this - i have rough chapters outlined in detail so i've got no excuse not to.

My apologies again. To tide you over, you could follow Revelations(?) Shameless hinting alert, oh well

Thank you to all reviewers, and all readers! Your patience will definitely be rewarded because i have a firm idea of the plot of this story, which will have lots of twists and turns if all goes well.

I'm also toying with the idea of filling in the gaps by writing a companion piece for this story, from Draco's point of view. I've already got the first two chapters outlined so there will be lots of lovely goodness for you to read when i continue this :)

Thanks again!


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